why I stopped wearing so much makeup

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my v talented therapist

I’ll start this story by attributing this minor accomplishment to my very talented therapist. In one session during the time I was still in high school, he asked me questions that seemed arbitrary at the time. Like, “ why are you wearing that shirt? How come you have black thick eyeliner on? Isn’t you hair naturally wavy? It looks pretty straight to me today,” and so forth.

 

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no hair, no makeup and ugly clothes

I told him that I didn’t feel that the boys would give me attention, and that girls wouldn’t want to be my friend if I didn’t look pretty. So he challenged me. No hair, no makeup, ugly clothes and see what happens.

Straight off the bat I was like forget it’s not happening. A few weeks later and I was mulling over his instructions. At this point I couldn’t imagine looking what i felt was perfect, every day. Sometime after that I did all the steps but in stages.

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the fear that i wouldn’t be accepted

First I let my hair go natural then I wore my dad’s crappy clothes. Baggy shirts and old shorts. Trust me this wasn’t the cool retro 80s look. It was actually very ugly and far from flattering. Finally I let go of the make up.

This fear that I wouldn’t be accepted actually turned into something else. I started realizing that my own behaviour was reflecting the way that I choose to present myself. I was becoming much more relaxed, and less hyper aware of what people thought of me. I think it’s because of that, that I started building more profound friendships and these are friends that I still have today.

I’m not gonna sit here and say that I don’t wear make up when I want to feel more beautiful. I do. It would also be dishonest to say that I don’t use make up on dates, interviews or times when I’m nervous that I won’t be accepted. Now though, I’m in a space where I don’t default to wearing make up every day. From this high school experiment, I learned that people react profoundly to vibes.

Now when I would do wear make up, I wear a lot less of it. This is probably partially because of the way that make up trends are going this year but also because sometimes when I take off my make up at the end of the day, I look at the mirror and think I probably should’ve just not put it on in the first place. I look at myself and go, “oh there she is.”

 

healthy relationship with the mirror

And other days I look at myself without make up and see all my redness, the bags under my eyes and everything that I don’t love. Consciously I know that I look pretty much the same day to day, but it just depends on how I’m feeling in the moment. When life is going swell, I’m wearing less makeup. Maybe I have a supportive boyfriend or just landed a new client. External factors.

On days where I’ve been eating all the tempura sushi, I don’t feel loved, and I’m not exercising, that’s when I look in the mirror and think “oh my gosh pack that make up on baby girl.”

So I realized that looking at my reflection speaks more to what’s going on inside. So ironic, but it’s such a useful tool, now that I know to use it to check in with myself and how I’m feeling. So now when I look in the mirror I’m not really checking to see how my hair looks but I’m checking to see what my initial reaction is to know how I’m feeling. I So often forget to check in but it’s a great practise. Do you ever look in the mirror to remind yourself of how your feeling? Leave a comment with how your relationship is with mirrors!

 

That’s it that’s all.

 

Xx,

me.