why I stopped wearing so much makeup
my v talented therapist
I’ll start this story by attributing this minor accomplishment to my very talented therapist. In one session during the time I was still in high school, he asked me questions that seemed arbitrary at the time. Like, “ why are you wearing that shirt? How come you have black thick eyeliner on? Isn’t you hair naturally wavy? It looks pretty straight to me today,” and so forth.
no hair, no makeup and ugly clothes
I told him that I didn’t feel that the boys would give me attention, and that girls wouldn’t want to be my friend if I didn’t look pretty. So he challenged me. No hair, no makeup, ugly clothes and see what happens.
Straight off the bat I was like forget it’s not happening. A few weeks later and I was mulling over his instructions. At this point I couldn’t imagine looking what i felt was perfect, every day. Sometime after that I did all the steps but in stages.
the fear that i wouldn’t be accepted
First I let my hair go natural then I wore my dad’s crappy clothes. Baggy shirts and old shorts. Trust me this wasn’t the cool retro 80s look. It was actually very ugly and far from flattering. Finally I let go of the make up.
This fear that I wouldn’t be accepted actually turned into something else. I started realizing that my own behaviour was reflecting the way that I choose to present myself. I was becoming much more relaxed, and less hyper aware of what people thought of me. I think it’s because of that, that I started building more profound friendships and these are friends that I still have today.
I’m not gonna sit here and say that I don’t wear make up when I want to feel more beautiful. I do. It would also be dishonest to say that I don’t use make up on dates, interviews or times when I’m nervous that I won’t be accepted. Now though, I’m in a space where I don’t default to wearing make up every day. From this high school experiment, I learned that people react profoundly to vibes.
Now when I would do wear make up, I wear a lot less of it. This is probably partially because of the way that make up trends are going this year but also because sometimes when I take off my make up at the end of the day, I look at the mirror and think I probably should’ve just not put it on in the first place. I look at myself and go, “oh there she is.”
healthy relationship with the mirror
And other days I look at myself without make up and see all my redness, the bags under my eyes and everything that I don’t love. Consciously I know that I look pretty much the same day to day, but it just depends on how I’m feeling in the moment. When life is going swell, I’m wearing less makeup. Maybe I have a supportive boyfriend or just landed a new client. External factors.
On days where I’ve been eating all the tempura sushi, I don’t feel loved, and I’m not exercising, that’s when I look in the mirror and think “oh my gosh pack that make up on baby girl.”
So I realized that looking at my reflection speaks more to what’s going on inside. So ironic, but it’s such a useful tool, now that I know to use it to check in with myself and how I’m feeling. So now when I look in the mirror I’m not really checking to see how my hair looks but I’m checking to see what my initial reaction is to know how I’m feeling. I So often forget to check in but it’s a great practise. Do you ever look in the mirror to remind yourself of how your feeling? Leave a comment with how your relationship is with mirrors!
That’s it that’s all.